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cycle lane works in hope street and cowcaddens road
I caught two buses to come to see this Castle. On arrival I was told that part of the Castle was closed for renovation. I had my Historic Scotland Membership, I was happy to see the Castle anyway.
Once the home of three noble families, de Vaux, Haliburton and Ruthven. This Castle was besieged during the Wars of Independence. In 1650 Oliver Cromwell attacked the Castle causing damage beyond repair.
via Portal Query ift.tt/NRi865a
…So the Besieged capital had been besieged for ages now… a firm ring of the city was kept by the barbarians but now the other barbarians had arrived and a minor civil war (which was all but civil since they were barbarians of two different factions).
But after only a few hundred casualty the two sides as made a truce until the common enemy of the alliance was defeated, the settled this by proclaiming a scarecrow with an orange empty pumpkin head the nominal leader of the tribes until a final leader could be named after the war was won against the alliance…
So when the Barbarians was busy with their internal quarrels, the capital defenses could strengthen their keeps and walls…
however they forgot the small kitchen delivery keep so when Tirana forced a small horde of her barbarians to use a pick-mouse warmachine built by Snook before his capture.
They started to bash away that weak point!
Reluctantly the tech-unfriendly barbarians agreed after some persuasion from their leader by her cutting off two heads of the loudest opponents…
They used this abominal anti-barbarian machine and there was a minor snap in the woodwork that went crack.
By then one barbarian screamed, it is only made out of charred wood!!! Then a few tried to headbutt the gate while others tried to gnaw away at it inspired by the beavers!!!
This über-macho approach didn’t help much, so they went back to the ram and despite all hatred for “pansy” war machinery…
Well perhaps that slimy thinker of a strategist had a point or two since now even though a growing crowd of defenders on the inside tried to support the ailing gate it finally split in twain…
Now there was nothing between the city defenders and the huge Barbarian forces…
The Defenders tried to bravely tried to use their very own bodies to protect their city and loved ones…
by now every bowman possible was summoned to that particular defense section and a hail of arrows darkened the sky like a swarm of swarming locusts, a lame attempt to keep the death defying Barbarian troops who just pushed towards the gate in greater and greater numbers!
By now all knew that the city was lost, and it would have been if not right now at this moment the horn signals of the blowers sounded through the battlefield!
tooout, tooout, weeooun!
The signal was for the troops to return to base camp because it was under attack!
The Slavics and Vikings had arrived and the northerners had attacked the Barbarians!
No one know why there was such haste, after the funeral only minutes after the burial of Prince Albert that some claim was still alive since a faint knocking and a weak voice could be heard saying: ”Ich bin nicht tot” Esmeralda screamed a ghoul and gave a soldier order to impale the casket with a spear and so was done and the ghoul stopped its lament with a sigh!
But no one could understand why the extreme haste of what happened next, the Queen Esmeralda and the Mage or Wizard King both proclaimed that matrimony and an end to the division of the capital and the civil war in the besieged city, there were no times for quarrels among the city inhabitants when an enormous Barbarian horde was bombarding the walls with Snook and Tiranas warmachines…
Since the marriage was of such impromptu kind there was no time for flags, feast and celebration…
The inhabitants of the city was almost totally non-present and likewise the parading knights and knaves, since the townsfolk did not know and the soldiers were fighting on the walls of the city, instead some random court people was commanded to the square as witnesses…
The reanimated mad monk was used as a priest, which he hardly could perform so the groom had to lip sync his part…
then a simple signing of papers, the marriage was a fact and the division of the besieged capital was ended…
Then the Mad Monk Zombie twitched and crumbled into dust a heap of stinking ash…
The Groom bespoke:
- Oh I hope this isn’t a bad omen with our priest cumbusting!
The Bride replied:
-well I see it as a good sign, a sign that our flesh and union will be eternal, talking about the carnal matters, I hope you are as good in the hay as you are at flirting and running after mini-skirt maids 100 years junior to you…
Since this queen was denied what was rightfully hers in bed for too long, that kraut prince never unbuttoned his pants for me, that silly fool was so in love with the real Esmeralda…
Then man and wife kissed!
So it finally happened…
Barbarian Versus Barbarian…
The splinter faction left in the homeland who later rallied and created a fractional faction, a splinter group…
This faction of troops more true to the barbarian core values than the army besieging the Alliance capital, they accepted no women and minorities among their fighting ranks they finally caught up to the main Barbarian army more inclusive lead by Tyrana!
…the reason why it took so long was that they more true to original Barbarian culture, didn’t read maps which they deemed unbarbaric…
So they just wandered about at random, ended up in the easterlings lands and then were in the frozen south fighting their way through armies of fin-birds standing about on the blocks of ice… (they didn’t fight back that much!)
Now here is an aerial photo of the first clash between the factions at the outpost ruin city of Joseph Strummerville…
Remember where you first saw the news… at the worldwide Medieval news network WMnn…
“We are always first with medieval news, best at old News!”
…the problem for Snook was: He had the warmistess Tyrana’s full support when it came to use experimental warmachines… he built siege towers, arbalests, onagers, trojan horses, bolt throwers, mouse and catapults…
This was no problem…
The problem was to get the Barbarian troops to use them…
They would always say: that is so un-barbaric, grandpa Barbarian has never used these silly inventions and I prefer to use a flail or a sword, these pancy, fancy big machines are just not true to the art of war…
So even if Snook threatened them with dismemberment and decapitation in the name of Mistress T, they would just say: ok I’ll do that but only if you kill me in a duel first…
So Snook collected a small squad of the least conservative Barbarians and started training them in a simple war machine known as ladders…
This was done live at the besieged city’s walls…
This was a great amusement to the alliance defenders as they coined a new sport called “Barbarian toppeling bowl!” It was played by letting as many as possible first climb the ladder and then push them with a hayfork…
bonus points was added to the number of points by them sum of fallen, such as:
5 points for every dislocated limb among the fallen
Or for example 10 bonus points for anyone impaled on their own weapon
Despite to circumstances of being under siege the people and factions residing in the palace decided to have a great party…
Smugglers was payed great amounts of gold to smuggle ingredients from the outside world by the underground tunnels and by small boats sneaking past the barbarian seaside blockade at night…
The factions and people living in the palace was now widely multicultural with ethnicities like franconians, easterlings industans, far easterling, native americans, forest people and of cause the the Prince himself was also foreign-born!
To avoid conflict a law was passed by decree that any fight would be severely punished by the rolling of head. And most felt that loosing their head for loosing their head was not a price they wanted to pay!!!
Let us listen to some of conversations at this very mixed party to boost morale and to glue the different factions together to prevent a civil war and infighting in the palace!!!
- Ai so I offered the queen to play my traditional instrument known as baagpeyps a wee bit, but she said noo, then I offered too make hear my traditional dish knoown as haeggess and shee seid noo againn!
- So I take fiiissch by tail and then take ilon hammel and do, bash-bash-bash to it so guts come flying and how the innel guts land tell me how futul is go to be, but you cannot do that on butt-halli since they ale alleady flat so theil gut is also flat…
- Ganz, we did do ein devergent manofer to trick ze Barbaren and it werked sehr gut for us…
- oui, so you say you did study at harvard, so you are how you say, verry educational, mon ami…
- So we make great shinto palty onez e yeal and then we do good sacrifice to our old spilitz, Hai we make gleat lespect fol oul anssesstors even deadly dead onez!!!
- So we have this theater, we call it bollywood after our great capital!!! It is great-great thing all over our common territory, even small kids watch it, I say, I say!!! May ganesh guid your steps while putting up that play here in western world!!!
With no confliction I summon the dark ones 👿
I DEMAND you with vengeance - Come to me you fucking demons and beasts…. I am not afraid, you cannot hurt me, you cannot break what is already broken! I am ready, eagerly here waiting for your arrival, bowing gracefully in your presence welcoming and greeting you with open arms honoring my commitment, offering myself freely without resistance so do as you must - UNRESTRAINED
Torment my disdain soul, taunt my spirit and demented mind as I am a sinner for I could not protect nor save him.... Thirstily torture me with lustful sadistic desires – Suspend me with chains and hooks through my skull, ears, eyes, nose, cheeks and dermis...
Lacerate, stab, beat, choke, bite, scratch, pick, gouge, lash, feed off and burn blistering my organic flesh leaving only bone as the flaming lipids drip quenching Gaîa as I deserve it then dribble toxic corrosive cocktails from your mouth into my open wounds off your tongue…. Watch me in delight as I wallow in my hallucinations, delusions, distortions, noise, insanity and numbness contemplating while drowning in my failures…. I can take it, I will OWN it, you will not see me quiver nor flinch.... I will unconditionally beseech for more each and every time you swipe inflicting on me OVER and OVER and OVER again
Swipe taking your best shots with full force and no holding back as I will come searching for, hunting you in the dark whispers of a celestial night standing in the shadows at the very gates of hell where I announce my presence with wailing GRROWWLLLZ while making my way through the labyrinth crawling on my bleeding cursed hands and knees dragging my persecuted feet in shame to the depths of your lair where time stands still for eternity unleashing my wrath.... Pinning you down into the deep gritty earth of consumed souls with my foot as I tare your fucking tail off with my bare hands shoving it down your throat feeding it to you whole, allowing you to breathe solely through your nostrils while taking in overwhelming contentment watching you wide eyed with dilated pupils as you gag, splatter and choke…. Slowly peeling the scales off your body one by one with my fingernails watching in amusement as they weep.... Using your horns as reins while chewing through your thoracic anatomy with clotted blood dribbling down my face, neck and all over my torso as my GRROWWLLLZ echo off the chamber walls and throughout the labyrinth while looking deep into your soul through the window of your besieged eyes begging me for redemption as I drink in sacrifice warm foaming blood with every last heartbeat from your squirting aorta punishing you for all my failures and sins if you fail your calling and duty
Revive me each time when I fade to die as there is no glory in death without a journey full of suffering and pain, I seek retribution and wish to have consciousness while relishing in your inflictions 🔪🔪🔪 upon me
GRROWWLLLZ
🎵 I find thge answers aren't so clear, wish I could find a way to disappear…. All these thoughts they make no sense.... Nothing seems to go away, OVER and OVER again
Please read about 🚳 My 17 year old Motorcycle Warrior 😭
My Flickr Group 📩
Secondlife ♾️ DAILY
In the divided city under barbarian siege the Queen, That is “Esmeralda” takes her horse to the Mage-king she has important matters to talk about, their two parts of the city’s water supply…
She rides “her favourite horse” Lövenherze just like her copy that preceded her, just to keep up the charade in the high game they are playing, but the horse don’t like this new mistress and is making a lot of sudden stops looking at this imposter…
She rides alone in to the eastern part of the city, showing the courage and strength that was so well know for her and also by her “husband’s” advice to better fit the role of his beloved and passed wife…
- Hello so called Mage-king I am here to enter in to negotiations of the water supply and it’s division among our two faction!
- Hello Esmeralda! Before My old heart used to beat by the joy of seeing you, but now when our friendship is as divided as our capital I feel quite the opposite, but I have to give it to you, you look far younger than you ever did, but hey that horse doesn’t command you as it used to, weird it used to obey you slightest wisper!!!
- Enough of pleasant chit-chat old humbug, let us sit down for negotiation, strange who are those two guards, I have never seen s tabard with that crest before….
- Well Esmeralda my former friend your memory seems that of an old bag even though your fair skin is young…
They are the twin siblings we met down the cavities when we were down there, I have fed them and trained them as my bodyguards… they obey my every command… he, he, he!!!
- oh sure I remember them now, quite vividly, they have grown, now invite me inside for negotiations, to your foul-smelling dragons den…
- Sure thing Esmeralda, sure, sure, I think we have something else to talk about too!!!
( Designers note: the two guards are based on a gift from my sisters youngest child, she obviously remembered that her old uncle was a nutty AFOL lover!!! That warmed my heart. )
- ah, forbidden love, as tasty as the apple of eden and as sinful as the very same!
Was it good for you two my stomping wild boar and galloping stallion!
- yes Madam, and thank you for the tip for carrying your new oak cupboard…
- oh no worried I have plenty of silver, when father died in the war against those savage Barbarians he provided for me an my sister by inheritance so we would not ever work again… since my sister is an hour older than me she is the one in control of our fortune, so really I kind of tipped you with her money, ha, ha,
- I am in the same position with my older brother, he replaced father as boss over our “lift and carry” firm…
- oh really, I have seen your brother, he is nowhere close as savage manly as you, imagine he is your boss!!!
But not only have I tipped her with her money, I also managed to wrap her liver around my fair borguis finger,…
So was I better than her? I wonder if She’ll ever know that I stole her throphy working class hunk…
- Madam, actuallt I perfer you, you are more mature despite your younger age!!!
…a voice from the balcony above interrupted:
- ah you fools not only do i know, I orchestrated it, I payed an artist to hide in the wardrobe with a camera obscura to forever depict your forbidden love, the village is already now looking at the sketches posted all over town…
ha, ha, ha!!!
I win yet again dear sister!!!
...don´t judge me to hard dear viewer of my life in some theoretic dimension on a plane far away...
...if you follow my life from your other-dimensional plane, then you know that I am not evil as such, I am not greedy either...
...dear viewer, I just had a couple of hard choices and right now I need money, gold, power to defeat my opponents...
...they just don´t see that I am the perfect leader of our nation, they don´t understand, that me with my superior intelligence and knowledge I am the one who is right for our nation, let´s just say, I am the brain that makes us go in the right direction...
...I mean imagine a beast in the woods that had no head? that isn´t possible, except for very tiny things living at the bottom of ponds...
...also, if the beast where to loose a leg, it would be hindered in it´s path as either a carnivore, omnivore or veggievore... still there would be a chance for the whole being to heal it´s wound, but without a cephalon it would surly perish very fast, except for those nasty bugs living in the tropics...
But our glorious culture is not one of those roaches with a nasty pre-word, my nation is the finest nations since the ancient Centaurs, actually I lead my people who was lead astray in to the right narrow path again...
...I am not greedy or power hungry, we just need the head to feel as well as possible so we all can prosper, that is when we can afford to treat the other parts our our nation-body other than the head...
...if I perish there is no need for my people to survive, since without this brilliant mind they are lost and not much better than the barbarians we are fighting...
...without me there will be no civilised state, no knowledge, that is why I need to write down how to run my state for a 1000 years after I am gone... oh, wait I will probably live that long... I have lived for eons...
always serving others, but today I have begun to take my own spot in the shining sun...
...a lot of my people will die, but my people is a people of glory, built on the dead bodies of our predecessors, I will make a nation of these feudal states...
...with me it starts and ends!!!
...after Albert negotiated a temporary truce among the warring parties in his palace he then placed them in different wings of the complex and put some of his troops as peacekeepers between them in the corridor!!!
then he asked "Queen Esmeralda" to take a walk with him... se said yes...
- (Queen E.) ...ok, I know, you know that I am not the real thing, why haven´t you exposed me to the alliance kings? oh by the way how did you know? what is gonna happen now?
- (P. Albert) Well Mon Freund! wann you go to Beisl and you order an teuer Wein and the cheap Ober serves you only one half of "Dom grenouille du Estate" and Spritzen the rest mit a Rebenschopped cheap red wine, then before your lippen has touched ze wein and the bouquet has your nase hit, you already know zat ze Ober hat dir gefi... eh made ein narren of you!!!
...also I noticed that My beloved Essies favourite tier Iffy the Puff didn´t even bother to say hellow to you!!!
( Queen E. ) oh I see, When I knew her She wasn´t in to dogs...
I studied all of her manners and so on in detail, still yet I failed, but you didn´t answer me, we did you pretend that I was Esmeralda in front of the others...
- ( p. Albert) Mein Frau und spouse I think zat ich hat a plan, wir need each other, I am gonna observeren how and if you can fool ze volk, the people, if you can wir can zusammen make a team and defeat the others... are you in with mir?
then a huge barrage of giant stones from the war-machines manned by the besieging Barbarians started falling down, one crushing a lion-knight
Albert stopped mid sentence and ordered his troops to collect the stones and load the capitals catapults to return the fire... then he turned to his "wife" and listened to her answer!
- (Queen E. ) ...do I have a choice, so we are gonna tell the rest that I am Esmeralda and I will resume my rule, but what is in it for you?
- ( P. Albert) Meine Liebe! if you rule without mein consulting, ich will expose you, so wir together will rule like two co-rulers in a condominium but the opposite, Sie understand? order?
- (Lorrettina-elleonoara)
Hey Tipsy, look the barbarians have hurled away a rotten cow with their onager, I guess it has Foot-and-mouth disease or some other horrible decease, perhaps a virus like herpes or something, what do you think Tipsy???
- (Trantarella-barbarabella)
Oh, Lorry, you a probably right about that, but really you should know your hurl-machines by now, that was not an Onager that is a ballista, you should really know by now since this is not the first time we are under siege!!!
- (Tipsy) Oh, yes, oh yes dear, my mistake, I think I started a bit too heavy on the brandy today... I must say I really like these wars all those working and middle class men in uniforms ready to go out their and die for their country...
Have that nasty magpie stolen my war-spectacles again, I must ask My butler Jives to go up and look on our roof again...
I asked him to eradicate that crows nest on the roof ages ago...
He is so iffy, since Jeeves his predecessor perished when he fell, that is when he was fighting those feathered no-gooders stealing from us rich and privileged like that bandit Robin, Robin the bandit that is not the bird, the birds are pretty...
- (Lorry) yes, what is the world coming too, we here at the top of the pyramid is doing our work, but these days the mid-section and the foot is really not made out of fresh wood as before, I think it was Esmeraldas fault, excuse me for saying it but she was to soft on the poor people...
- (Tipsy) oh don´t talk bad about the queen, she has her Easterling spies all over...
- (Lorry) But dear Tipsy she is dead, she died ages ago...
- (Tipsy) yes but still, who knows, I think we should not interfere in mere politics, our role is to be role-models for the lesser classes, just looking good waving with our pale little hands while we pinch a farmer that smells out of horse in the behind with the other hand...
- (Lorry) oh yes darling! I do remember now...oh watch out a propelled bolder heading our way...
a gigantic stone smashes a nearby tower that falls down in an ear-deafening rumble...
- (Tipsy) Oh, that was close, ha, ha, look at those two guys in the tower, they look like flies flattened with a newspaper, ha, ha, it looks really silly...
- (Lorry) oh don´t worry those projectiles wont hit us, we are the upper-upper-upper class we are protected from common deaths...
- (Tipsy) Oh, Darling I forgot, yes not need to be scared other than that the dust ruins my makeup, I mean no I had so much Brandy that it would be hard putting it on again, I would end up looking like that favourite Jester Henry Our King has, you know him, Nudge!!! Nudge!!!
- (Lorry) oh yeah hime he, he, anyhow, talking about it where did Henry that giddy hunk go?
- (Tipsy) Oh he killed all of his children by mistake and out of grief for them he became a monk and crucified himself, at the very least partially, he cound´t nail the last nail in...
- (Lorry) Hey old cow, that I a joke from the play "Young ones" how can you fall so low to eat from such a worm-ridden fall-fruit...
- (Tipsy) hey old bitch!!! I think that was from the play "Bottom" written by the mage-King before he became top-tophat-mage when he just flirted with women and wrote really cheesy half-pornographic pulp fiction for women with a dirty mid...
- (Lorry) but Darling let´s not fight, we usually wait with that until we have consumed more brandy and forgotten about it in the morning!!!
- (Tipsy) Yes darling, you are right lets watch the young soldiers get their gut and gastric parts ripped out, we better find another pair of testicles, eh I mean spectacles!!!
...more and more of the pillaging and raving barbarians massed up outside of the city´s castle wall fortification...
That was when Prince Albert wanted to make a speech to the hordes in hopes of turning some of them to revert from their bad manners...
the barbarian horde agreed to wait until the speech was done...
all Alberts political advisors told him not too, since first the risk of assassination and second it wont be any use to talk to primitive tribesmen who were merely past the troglodyte stage in the evolution...
still Alberts made his speech!
- (Albert) Dear Barbarne eh, barbarions, eh Barabarians, may Ich Lend ihren ears just for a bit...
The horde mumbled and some laughed and voices were heard saiyng:
- ha, ha, bligh me, look at that geezer ouyr enemy is commanded by a puff...
- What is that weird accent, I came across it before when We Were on the siege of Neuschwanstein in the alps...
- (Albert) Ich Understand that you are made out of fleisch zu and that you have hearts beating about ze blood in ihren fleisch and you have a head-maze as we have, I see you all as menschen, ehr, humans, like me, you might have noticed mein foreign accent...
- (Barbarian interruptions)
ha, ha, ha, ha, can a girl like you lead the defence of a city, ha, ha this bloke is not exactly mad out of sheffield stele, actually not even pewter to be honest...
- (Albert) ...I know, Ich weiss, I know, that many of you don´t want to die and you don´t have to most of our gotts greations here want to live, ze libens ist ein enigma anc curiouslyness drives us forwards and wir wollen another day see rice mit der sonne, we don´t want to sterben-die or tot becommen!!!
- (Barbarian voices)
- Ha, ha, ha, this is the funniest speech I have ever heard is he the court jester in disguise?
- Ha, ha, ha, this is better than that mute fellow telling jokes at the inn of "Bishops severed arms" back home...
- (Albert) ...Ich habe ein tream, traum, dreama, trauma, Ich want like mein schätze Esmerlada look on ze good zeite of jeden mans Herze, eh heart, therefor I ask out of you: Bitte Please don´t fight, if anyone want´s to leave now ist the time, you need not to sterben and die, aber if you stay, we will fight you with alles we have until your fleisch is seperated from your körper and die Blut will cover the fields mit gore red farben, I just want to say this before we make of you toten deadheads!
Your every on off yu, have ein wahl or, eh a choice!!!
- (barbarian voices)
- ha, ha, we are here of our free choice, we want to plunder, we are nasty...
- I hope this speech ist not over, ich mag ze dialect, mein mutter comes from Braviaria
- (Albert) ...was did I hear a voice aus mein homeland, it sounds like home...
- (Braviarian Barbarian) Yes Mein Prinz, ich come from Bravaria, I joined ze barabarians by mistake since it sound ze same... I will swish side if you have Sturm-wein und schinkenfleckerl mit schnizel!!!
- Mein Freun, we have, I am making sturm in mein other köningdom little francona, we import it here... Ich would love zu share ein Krügel mit you!!!
- (Braviarian Barbarian) ...ok I am comming, I will follow ze Albert-könig...
that was the last we heard from this Bravarian Barbarian since by then a ring of barbarians closed up around him and finished his life and his friedhof became the spot where he stood and was stopped and trample 10 feet under by brutal military boots!!!
so the first troops of the horde had started to arrive outside the capital, they were putting their demands about sparing the city and it´s inhabitants if they abandoned the city...
they got hot oil as an a reply...
That and Rotting fish, the Fish-Mongrel tried to make business with the enemy, something worth a jail as a traitor but the defence forces let him keep on selling from the wall, since they argued that it was biological warfare when costumers threw up coins while the fish monger tossed down those well ripe fermented bacterial bombs of former sea creatures!!!
So the remaining few forestmen had gathered in their main walled (and only real city) on their lands...
outside a huge mob of religious fanatics had gathered they were angry for the kidnapping of their religious Head Henricus!
- (fanatic leader) Hey Ugly sacrilegious Marxists and scum of our civilised Medieval world, we want our God-like icon and religious leader back... Give us our most holy and revered papa Henricus!!!
The knights filled in in a chanting single voice, sounding like nasty religious fanatics at some lynching!!!
- (forestm. spoke-person) Well actually we would nothing other than to give you your baby-like punke-smelling drunk back... he makes our prison stink even worst than before... the only part of him that smells out of soap is his mouth, that is it smells like some bourbon-version of soap, the other parts of this oppressor of peoples smell worst than a capitalist-pigs unmentionable lower exit... He must stand trial for "crimes agains humanity" and will not be handed to you before tortured, interrogated and put in front of a kangaroo-court!!!
- (Fanatic) How dear you call our holy leader such foul things, you communist will burn much more in hell that the others of your kin, the fire will be hotter and more eternal, besides we have something that might make you change your mind, We have captured your stinking old tree, yes the treat that is derived from a bud where your Prophet Saint Marx meditated under when he wrote his insane book known as "the Capital" if you don´t give us our holy Leader unscathed we will burn your tree down!!!
