Having learned, wept and eventually accepted the fact that his “prize” for winning 3rd place in the Spring Fling Bake Off is to teach Palpatine’s nephew survival skills in the kitchen once a month until further notice, Stormtrooper Bruce has no idea where to begin. STB knows the nephew has basic knowledge of things, so perhaps that is where he needs to start… the basics.
STB: Well, hello Little Dude! Welcome to your first class in Kitchen Survival Skills. I heard your mother wants to make sure you know your way around the kitchen when you grow up.
SB: Oh, hello Unka Dude! I sure missed you! Did you miss me? It’s been forever since I’ve seen you! I’m so cited that you won the prize to teach me! Isn’t it awesome! Oh, and today my name is Sponge Bob, accause I’m here to soak up everything you’re going to teach me! I wish we could do this every day, but Unka Pappy says you have other duties, so I’ll have to settle for once a month!
STB: Well, Spongey, I see you’re still doing that WTMIAO thing, way too much information at once. But never mind. Let’s get started.
SB: Oooh, just lookit all this stuff!!! Your quarters look like a giant walk in pantry.
STB: And for good reason. Today’s lesson is more like a quiz to see just how much you already know. I have laid out various kinds of items one might need to use in the kitchen at some time or another. You just have to tell me what everything is, and bonus points if you can also tell me how that item might be used.
SB: What? A quiz? Right off the bat? No fair! I didn’t even have time to study! I’m telling Momma and Unka Pappy that you’re … wait a second. I actually know some of those things. So, once I ace this quiz of yours, do I get time off for good behavior? Do I get to watch cartoons? Can I play video games on your tablet? Will you read to me?
STB: Here we go. Um.. Little, I mean Spongey, you are here to learn, not to play. However, if you ace the quiz - we may be able to go visit the Hydroponics Bay in your Unka Pappy’s Botanical Gardens to see how many fruits and vegetables you can name.
SB: Great Galaxy! Is that the secret place where Unka Pappy grows those ginormous plants that eat people?
STB: Oh, yes, well...there is that. But we're going into the safe, authorized section. No one is losing a finger today.
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